Been in the gay dating scene for a while and you want to avoid more trauma. Well, my 5 gay dating red flags were will you spot Mr. Wongs. Signs that a guy is being fake. This especially applies to gay dating where there is a large income disparity or one person has something to significant to gain from dating you.
5 Gay Dating Red Flags
- Over The Top or a False Flattery
- Only Wants You in One Part of His World
- A Braggart
- Lots of Small Broken Promises
- Doesn’t Make Any Sacrifices For You
Over the Top or False Flattery
I remember I was talking to a guy from Quora and he told me ‘oh I want to talk to you because you are so humble’. I just laughed ‘me’? Humble?! While I wish that were true humility has been an area of opportunity for me throughout my life and for someone to tell me that “I’m so humble’ is clearly an example of false flattery.
Another example is guys will pretend that they are chubby chasers. They’ll tell you ‘oh I love huggable guys’ or something like that. If you hear that ask to see pictures of their previous boyfriends. Look at their Friends List on Facebook. If they don’t see any evidence of them dating large men in the past that is a sign he’s just trying to butter you up.
Be wary of brown nosers and people who compliment you without even knowing you as that’s a good indication that they just want something from you.
They only want you in one part of their world
I remember meeting this guy on grindr a few years back. He was great we would have a lot of fun together at my place. He said he was interested in something more but every time I’d ask him to go to a movie with me or to go to the mall he’d make up some excuse. Seeing as he was out that didn’t sit well with me.
Then I finally began to move on and started talking to other guys he got angry and accused me of just using him for his body. In my opinion, he wasn’t sincere because if he really wanted more than just fun he wouldn’t have objected to spending time with me outside of the bedroom.
If you are doing long distance dating, especially international dating, I always recommend doing at least one surprise visit. If when you pop up unexpectedly and he’s anything other than absolutely delighted to see you that’s a sign his intentions on the relationship are not about love.
Gay Dating Red Flag 3: He is a Braggart
You know how it raises red flags when someone brags to you that they are nice because it usually means they are not? The same goes for any person who constantly self compliments. I remember I was talking to this guy and every time we would meet he would tell me how some guy was so desperate to have him. He was clearly self-important and trying to make himself seem like a prize in my eyes.
If someone is really worth boasting about other people will do the boasting for them. There’s no need to overly compliment one’s self. Being boastful is a sign of deep insecurity
Never Follows Through
Pay attention to the things he says and the promises he makes. A lot of times they will make small promises on things like offering to help you put up a curtain rod on Saturday, or to send a certain picture, or that they’ll call you at a certain time but never follow through. It’s easy to brush things like that off but it’s important we watch out for false promises as they are a good indicator of bad intentions.
A big thing to watch out for when it comes to dating is he tells you he will introduce you to friends and family but then makes excuses not to do so. That goes back to what I talked about earlier of only wanting you in one section of his life.
Sign #5 Doesn’t Make Sacrifices For You
Sometimes we expats get the wrong idea that just because we have so much more money than the local we are dating that that means we should be the only one making sacrifices in the relationship.
While it is true most of the expenses will fall on your shoulders that doesn’t mean he can’t contribute and I don’t mean sex either. What sacrifices you would like to see is up to you. In my case, if I am the one paying all of the bills there’s nothing wrong with him being the one to cook and clean. You should see him going out of his way and adjusting his life to accommodate you.
Just remember the biggest pleasure in a relationship is not sex it’s derived from sacrificing for your partner. When you truly love someone, their needs should come before yours and that should be happening on both sides.
I also just want to make clear that sex is not a sacrifice or a contribution. If you talk to your man and he’s saying or implying that sex is his contribution to the relationship I recommend walking away. In my opinion, any relationship where sex is used as a tool or worse as a weapon is not a healthy relationship for either party. In a relationship, sex should be an act of love between you and your partner. That’s it.
Please don’t get into that mindset of ‘oh I’m an old man so the best I can get is a gold digger because its cheaper in The Philippines than in America. Guys, it’s not like that here in The Philippines. Age is not nearly as important as it was back home. Don’t believe me go on grindr in The Philippines. You’ll almost never see ‘no olds’ or anything so disrespectful on there. I’ve seen plenty of mixed gen relationships where they love each other and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
Now I just want to say I’m not trying to make anybody paranoid. Him forgetting to send a picture or to call you at a certain time is not absolute proof that he’s plastic. What I’m saying is if you’re beginning to see patterns of promises not being kept, him not wanting you around his friends and family, and/or over the top flattery then I recommend taking a step back and meditating on your relationship. This is especially true if he starts complaining about his finances or something that he wants you to help him with.