Are you new to the gay scene or just tired of hooking up? Gay dating beginners can be guys that range in age from teenagers to guys to their 40s, 50s and beyond! I am writing this article to help you avoid the mistakes I made when I first started dating members of the same sex.
Gay Dating Tips for Beginners
Before I get into my tips I just want to say that of course, everyone’s experience will be different. These tips are just loving advice from my heart to your heart. I hope that they’ll help you to have a great dating life.
Closets Are For Clothes Not Relationships
I know closeted guys can be the most tempting. I mean most of the time they’re masculine and don’t have all the baggage of someone who’s been dating men for awhile may have. However, there are some things you should ask yourself before you decide whether or not to date a closet case.
First, do you mind being introduced as his ‘friend’? If he does introduce you to his friends and family, and that’s a big if, he won’t introduce you as anything more than a friend. It can be pretty painful to be introduced as a ‘friend’ by someone you love.
Second, are you okay with being dumped for a woman? If he’s bisexual he may decide to take the easy road out and just date a woman. A friend of mine dated a bisexual who was in the closet but eventually came out. However, the guy still dumped him anyway because he said he wanted kids with his partner. Ouch!
Third, are you okay with a partner that likes to hide? Being in the closet is tough. I can speak for most gay men when I say most of us decided even if it is tough being out being in the closet is tougher. A closet case will always be on the lookout for anything that might cause others to suspect him (even though they most likely already do). That means no public displays of affection, he’ll keep his distance from you in public, you’ll only hear from him when he thinks no one is listening.
An acquaintance of mine told me once he was dated a closet case and during a visit to his house his friends came by, unexpectedly. The guy told him to wait in the garage. Long story short he ended up waiting in the garage for close to 5 hours! Yikes!
Try to Say Yes More Than No
A hetero friend of mine and I were talking about relationships and she told me her current husband would’ve never caught her eye in the past. He was chubby and just not all that handsome, to be honest. But then she added that marrying Carlos was the best decision she’d ever made. You see, she’s dated handsome guys and rich guys before but they turned out to be self-centered jerks.
Carlos was different. When she got sick and had to get her thyroid removed he took a second job to keep them afloat since she was no longer able to work. No matter what’s happened he’s stood by her, through thick and thin.
A mistake a lot of gay guys make (beginners or not) is simply being way too picky on who they’ll go out with. I’m not saying that you should go out on a date with a guy that makes you grimace when you look at him. What I am saying is sometimes the universe sends us the best gifts wrapped in plain paper.
You’d be surprised at what a guy who may be plain-looking has to offer (I’m not talking money here). Just remember the hottest guys can also be the most choosey. That’s why I advise if a guy asks you on a date to say yes unless you feel unsafe.
Grass is Grass
One lesson many of us have to learn the hard way is that the grass is seldom greener on the other side. It can be very tempting to leave your partner when you perceive something better on the horizon, especially if you’ve been fighting, but let me tell you from experience that backfires most of the time. When someone is interested in us or we’re viewing them through the lens of social media we’re only seeing what they want us to see.
He may upload photos of his great body on his Instagram but you don’t see the constant complaining and self-deprecation he does because his quads don’t look just right. You may see the photos he posts of himself with his friends having a great time but you may not see how those guys rip him to shreds whenever he’s not around.
At first, you may see how he has a great job and is looking for a younger partner to take care of. Then, later you discover he’s also a control freak who leverages his wealth to dominate a person. He could also be the type that threatens to throw you onto the street anytime you don’t acquiesce to his obsessive demands.
It’s just not a good idea to leave someone for someone else most of the time.
Be Careful Getting Relationship Advice from Single People
I had a friend come to me, upset and hurt because his boyfriend was always asking for blow jobs but wouldn’t return the favor. Even with all of my experience in relationships, and being in a long term relationship myself, my first thoughts were ‘oh hell no!’ and ‘gurl bye!’. But I caught myself and I just listened. I simply asked him how it made him feel when his boyfriend does that and what he feels he should do about it. I let him come up with his own decision.
The reason I didn’t tell him to dump him because I know in relationships partners often play a tit-for-tat game where one will withhold something (such as sex) to change the other’s behavior and the other partner will retaliate by withholding something else (such as affection). Most relationship conflicts usually have some underlying cause that isn’t immediately apparent
As you start to date and confide in your friends you’ll undoubtedly notice a pattern. Your single friends will almost always be the first ones to tell you to dump him. ‘OMG you need to get rid of him’ or ‘I wouldn’t put up with that if I were you’. Those are just a few of the lines I’ve heard.
To be honest I think your friends have good intentions it’s just that sometimes they’re not qualified to give advice for a few reasons. 1. They only hear one side of the story (yours). and 2. They just don’t know all the dynamics of your relationship. I’m not saying you shouldn’t listen to single people but just remember, that single person telling you to dump him is sleeping alone tonight.
Avoid Obsession With Red Flags
When I was doing the keyword research for this article, one thing that came up a lot was questions about ‘red flags’. It seems to me that we gay men are obsessed with looking for red flags. Indeed, I have more own article on red flags to look out for.
I’ve heard guys say things like ‘oh well he was 5 minutes late, that must mean he doesn’t respect me!’ I had a friend who had been hurt badly by his ex. He swore it would never happen again.
Soon thereafter another guy took interest in him but fearing to get hurt he played hard to get a little too hard. They chatted for over 4 months and he wouldn’t agree to a meeting. Then after 6 months, he decided to get off his high horse and ask for a meeting. Unfortunately for him, the guy had already moved on.
There’s nothing wrong with caution but if it’s paralyzing you that’s not a good thing. Relationships are about trust and respect. If you ever hope to be in a successful one you must let go of your fear and just trust someone.
Being hurt is just a part of life and while no one likes being hurt we must ask ourselves what is worse, getting hurt or being alone for the rest of our lives?
If You Are Shy Practice Makes Perfect
Being shy isn’t a bad thing. But if it is causing you to stay single then its time to address it. Most guys are shy out of fear. The best way to overcome fear is by simply trying and trying again. If you are afraid simply put yourself out there. You can sign up for a dating site, put up the best picture you have, and see what happens. I have an article on how to make an outstanding online dating profile which you can check out here.
See My List of Best Gay Dating Sites for Guys Who Are Serious
I could write dating advice all day long but truthfully the best dating advice I can give is to just do it. Keep an open mind and let go. We cannot control what people do but we can control how we react to what they do. Even though they can be painful sometimes, relationships are often the best thing to ever happen to us. It’s time to find yours.