Many people say if you are suspicious that your local lover just wants you for a green card you shouldn’t go through with the marriage. I, however, don’t agree with that sentiment. Any sensible person should be suspicious of someone who has something to gain besides love from the relationship.
There’s no real way to tell 100%. Some of these locals are just so desperate for a better life and good actors that they will stop at nothing to get what they want–in this case that coveted green card. We all know someone or know someone that knows someone that was duped by a local for a green card.
Here are 5 important signs he wants you for a green card:
- Just doesn’t do the things that someone in love would do. People in love call often, will want their circle of friends and family to meet you, just want you around them as much as possible. Many victims report that their partner never spent that much time with them but always had clever excuses as to why not. There’s no excuse for someone in love to not make every effort to spend as much time as possible with you. Yes, we have jobs, school, church etc but with text messaging and cell phones, there’s no good reason you should go days without hearing from your partner. It takes 30 seconds to send a text message for goodness sake!
- Professes love too quickly and is rushing marriage. Victims report that their foreign lover told them they loved them as they’ve never loved anyone before and very quickly proposed spending a life together after just a few weeks. Marriage is serious–so what’s the rush?
- You catch him in lies or you find inconsistencies in his stories. If one week he tells you he lives with his aunt but the next week he lives with his brother-in-law it’s a bad sign. If he told you that he has a degree in biology when you first met but now you discovered he didn’t finish college that’s a really bad sign.
- If he’s a man and he’s not at least hinting at sex after 3 weeks or so then something’s seriously wrong. Yes, there are a few men that want to remain chaste until marriage but come on. Most foreign men regard Americans/Europeans as ‘easy’ which is why you see native guys going after foreign tourist girls. One victim’s report I read stated that she would have to threaten to end the relationship in order to get the guy to put out. If he always drinks alcohol prior to intimacy with you that’s another bad sign.
- His family treats you with indifference or flat out shows resentment towards you. Any loving family wants to know the person their family member is going to marry very well. Remember, marriage is integration into said family. Also, in most developing nations family is very important. So be assured he cares very much what his family thinks of his partner choices. If his family doesn’t like you, just doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you, or even shows resentment toward you that is because they already know that you are nothing more than a means to an end for him.
- Look at the circumstances. If you’re in America is he on a student visa that will expire soon? If you’re in his country is he from a poor family that really needs help? Is he the oldest of his siblings? From my experience in Asia usually, it’s the eldest sibling that will go out and seek a foreign lover out of obligation to help his family. These are clues as to why he wants you in his life.
Your biggest weapon against is a scammer is time. People reveal their true selves eventually. Unless you have terminal cancer there’s no reason to not wait him out. Most scammers will give up pretty quickly once you make it clear that you’re not interested in getting married right away and want you to build a true and strong relationship. A few will hang on but with more time they too will give up and move on to easier prey.
How to Avoid Being Scammed
Aside from following the above guidelines of signs you are being used for a visa the best way to avoid being scammed is to meet guys who have the least incentive to scam you. You want to look for guys that have stable employment and from middle income or higher families. Stay away from students who are just looking for a sugar daddy to finance their education, those that don’t have a job, or who are about to be deported!
If you are single and looking online for love I’ve found one of the best ways to weed out creeps, scammers, and those who aren’t really serious is to go on a paid dating site. Ever heard the saying ‘put your money where your mouth is”? If someone is willing and able to pay to join a dating site that is a great sign they are serious and they have a stable job. Those with stable jobs are much less likely to be a green card scammer.