When it comes to dating too often we look at the wrong things–physical appearance. Let me be clear I do think that looks matter, it would be very difficult to maintain a relationship with someone you’re not physically attracted to in some capacity. That being said a guy being hot shouldn’t be the only or even the main criterion when choosing a partner. That’s why I came up with this list of things to look for when searching for a partner.
Look for a Guy With a Job
Guys, work ethic is really important and says a lot about a person’s character. A guy who’s stagnant or addicted to entertainment is often just looking for someone to sustain him. This is especially true if he’s seeking a guy much older than himself.
On that note, I want to advise you to be careful of guys who claim to be entrepreneurs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an entrepreneur myself and entrepreneurs are what made America great; but nowadays there are so many people claiming that title who don’t deserve it. Listen, a successful entrepreneur is spending almost all of his waking hours on his business.
Most successful entrepreneurs I know didn’t have time to date when they first started their businesses, and those already coupled said their business really put a strain on their relationship. When I first started my business I was working a regular 9-5 job plus working on my business after work. Suffice it to say dating was the last thing on my mind. So just be careful of a guy who’s unemployed but claiming to be an entrepreneur.
Look for a Guy That Shares Your Faith
As a spiritual person, my faith is extremely important to me. For me, it is nonnegotiable that whoever I’m with should share my faith. Now I realize not everyone cares about their faith but if you do then I urge you to only seek partners who are equally yoked. This goes for atheists as well. I suspect that a hardcore atheist probably wouldn’t be satisfied with someone who believes in God.
We should never enter into a relationship hoping to change someone. If you’re a Christian and the guy is telling you that religion is for idiots chances are he’ll stay that way throughout the relationship. Or worse he may feign that he’s open to believing just to placate you, but his heart will never be in it. This is why I tend to gravitate towards Filipinos as opposed to other groups from the Asiatic diaspora because their values are more likely to align with mine.
Look for a Humble Man
A man who thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips whether it’s because he’s handsome, has a lot of money, has a big penis, or whatever isn’t going to respect you. Guys who are arrogant tend to think everyone else is beneath them and you’ll be included in that mindset. Also, arrogance is often the result of insecurity. Insecure people tend to hurt others most often emotionally but also physically, at times as well.
Related: Why Gay Guys Love Drama So Much
Look for a Guy Who Doesn’t Bring Up Sex Right Away
Let’s face it, the gay community is hypersexualized. Anytime you enter a gay space you’re bombarded with images of scantily clad stalwart men. It’s practically impossible to get away from it. The problem is relationships that are based on sex tend to collapse because they have an incredibly weak foundation.
When I was in my dating season I remember being told by a suitor that ‘it all begins with sex’. In other words, in his mind, he wanted to make sure the sex was good and then see if a relationship could flourish from there. That’s backwards my friends. You should first build a strong bond with a guy based on common interests, shared moral values, and compatible life objectives. Then once that love is formed you have sex.
I can honestly say every time a guy brought up sex with me right away he wasn’t serious about me. A serious guy won’t ask questions beyond basic compatibility e.g. are you a top or bottom. He also shouldn’t be pushing for sex right away either.
Look for Guys That Don’t Have A Laundry List of Requirements
Go on Grindr and undoubtedly you’ll see guys with a long laundry list of ‘no’s on their profiles. I would avoid those guys like the plague. Gay men who are very choosey have been hurt in the past, have a lot of emotional baggage, and tend to be difficult to please. A guy with a laundry list of requirements often will have higher expectations for his partner than he does for himself. Guys with laundry lists often expect their partners to be nearly divine.
Nobody’s perfect. We all have our character flaws and in a relationship, you two must work to resolve the conflicts that those flaws create. If you are hoping for a perfect guy then you will be waiting for a very long time. That’s why it is better to look for a guy who is more open-minded.
Related: How Grindr Keeps Gay Men Single
Look for a Guy Who is Strong
This is really important. Now you might be thinking I’m talking about a guy with big muscles who can bench 300lbs but that’s not what I mean at all. By strong I mean he has the strength of character. Relationships take work–gay ones even more so. You want a guy who is out of the closet and can endure the gossip and jeers you may get when you are together outside. If he acts like he is embarrassed when he’s out in public with you then that’s probably not the right guy for you.
A strong man will stick it out even when things get tough.
Here’s something that may come up. Once people know he’s no longer single all these guys will start coming out of the woodwork and throwing themselves at him. He may be able to fend them off; but what about after you’ve been fighting for the last four days and this really hot guy shows him interest? You want a guy who won’t abandon ship as soon as he thinks something better has come along.
You may be thinking ‘there are no good men out there’ but that couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s a ton of good guys on there. You just passed them up because you were looking for the wrong things. Remember that really nice, smart, and fun guy that hit you up online but you didn’t respond to because he ‘wasn’t your type’? That was probably one of the good guys you said don’t exist.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with the saying closed mouths don’t get fed? Well, closed-minded people stay single forever. In this instant gratification age, we’re so used to getting exactly what we want when we want it, that we can’t handle it when something isn’t like that i.e. relationships.
I’m sorry, Yoda was wrong the force isn’t with you. There is no perfect guy out there. The sooner we all realize that the better off we’ll all be. If you think you’re ready to find a serious guy check out my list of best gay dating sites for guys who are serious.