We’ve all been there? There’s this guy we like, we want to talk to him, we finally talk to him, then the first conversation is full of awkward silences. ALL THAT ANTICIPATION FOR NOTHING! Getting to know someone we like can be tough, especially if you’re an introvert. We all know how important first impressions are when it comes to a relationship. The most important thing when you’re getting to know someone is to ask open-ended questions. BTW are you a top or a bottom doesn’t cut it darling. If you’re not sure what to say here are some questions that can help you break the ice.
Questions to Ask a Gay Guy You Like (w Explanations)
- What do you like to do in your time off?
- Are you working or studying?
- If working: Oh yeah, what do you do? Do you like it?
- If studying: Oh yeah, what’s your major? Why did you choose that major?
- Where’s your favorite place to visit?
- Does your family know you like men?
- What is your view on God and spirituality?
- What are you looking for in a guy?
- How long ago was your last relationship, may I know what happened?
- Do you like to shop?
- If yes: Oh yeah, what if its something really expensive and you can’t afford it right then?
- If no: Oh okay well I’m sure you have some sort of vice (laugh a little)
- Do you live on your own or with someone else?
- Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
What Makes a Successful Gay Relationship?
All successful relationships have 4 pillars:
- Common interests
- Shared moral values
- Compatible life objectives
- Mutual respect
Your questions on the first date or whenever you meet someone you’re interested in should be centered around finding out whether or not he fits those four criteria. Just a caveat: you don’t want to be too picky. Maybe he doesn’t quite fit into #3 for example. That doesn’t mean you should run away, it just means you need to probe to see if he’s interested in aligning himself more with your life objectives or not.
Why I Chose These Questions
Most blogs just give you a list of random irrelevant questions to ask someone. BORING! This is the wrong approach in my opinion. Each of your questions should have a purpose, that purpose being to know whether or not this guy is actually dating material or just eye candy. Asking a guy what his favorite food is, besides being incredibly cliché, doesn’t give you much information on his character. He could love Mexican food but still be a racist against Mexicans after all. If you want to know more check out my article on how to know the guy you are dating is ‘the one’.
Watch my video on what NOT to ask in the first conversation
What do you like to do in your time off?
This could help you determine if he’s lazy or not. If he answers that he just likes to sit on the couch when he’s not working that might be a red flag if you like to be active during your free time. This is also a great way to get him to talk about his hobbies and interests which is pillar #1 in a successful relationship.
Are you working or studying?
This is critical. You want a guy that has goals and ambitions but more importantly, you want a guy who is actually working to achieve those goals. A guy that is neither working nor studying may not have the level of ambition that you’re looking for and you could end up supporting him completely. It’s hard for most people to respect a man who isn’t doing anything with his life.
What’s your favorite place to visit?
I like to ask this instead of ‘do you like to travel?’ because : A. most people will just say ‘yes’ and B. by asking him where he likes to go you can get great information on what sorts of things he likes and values.
Does your family know you like men?
This is critical! You don’t want to date a guy that’s still in the closet. You just don’t, trust me.
What is your view on God and spirituality?
The second pillar of a successful relationship is shared values. Someone that shares a similar view on God and spirituality is more likely to also share your moral code. Don’t be afraid to ask about politics and religion on the first date if those things are important to you.
What are you looking for in a guy?
This is really important because this will give him an opportunity to let you know if he’s truly interested in you or not. If he’s interested he’ll most likely describe obvious characteristics that you possess. For example, if you are tall and skinny he’ll say he likes tall and skinny guys.
How long ago was your last relationship, may I know what happened?
Another must-ask question. If you ask this question and he goes into some long tirade about his ex, about how they were engaged, how he cheated on him blah blah, then you know he’s not ready to be in a relationship. Trying to date a guy that isn’t over his ex is one of the worst dating mistakes gay guys make. What will happen is he’ll either dump you and go back with his ex or he’ll always accuse you of cheating or some sort of dishonesty.
The reason you want to know what happened is because knowing that will give you a give a good glimpse into his personality. If he gives you some incredibly one-sided explanation that makes him look like the innocent victim and his ex the evil villain then you’ll know he’s either immature or downright dishonest. Very rarely can a relationship failure be attributed solely to one party.
Do you like to shop?
Money is a big reason why long term relationships fail. It’s okay to like to shop but he just buys things he doesn’t need because he, ‘just has to have it‘, with a credit card that could indicate he’s impulsive and not very good with money. You can also use this question to probe into other potential vices that he may have.
Do you live on your own or with someone else?
You need to know if he’s supporting himself. Depending upon age, him living with his mom may not be a deal-breaker but its good to know for sure. If he doesn’t live alone and neither do you then obtaining privacy could be a problem. If he’s not living alone and you do then chances are good he will want to move in with you at some point. That could be a good or a bad thing.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Pillar #3 is to have compatible life objectives. You need to make sure your life objectives are compatible if you want a successful long term relationship that will lead to a successful marriage. It’s critical you know what his life objectives are. If he doesn’t have any objectives, then you need to know that too.
I’ll leave you with this
Just to wrap things up please remember the following:
- It’s a date, not an interrogation (still need a date? check out my list of best gay dating sites to meet serious guys)
- Mutual respect comes from sharing the same moral values
- Your questions should be open-ended questions to determine if you guys can be compatible partners
- Try to think of what you will ask him before your first date/meeting/whatever
- Most important is to try to have fun! If it doesn’t work out at least you got practice meeting someone new!
