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A Gay Christian Dating Guide

Let me start off by speaking the truth.  The very fact that you are seeking godly dating advice is to be commended. Now it’s time to give you the best gay Christian dating advice out there.

Gay Christian Dating Advice in a Nutshell

  • Try to date other believers
  • Try to avoid flings
  • Be a Godly partner by living with honor & integrity
  • Ask yourself what would Jesus do?

The Cornerstone of Godly Dating

The 1st piece of advice comes in the form of a bible verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seriously, if you choose someone that is an unbeliever the relationship almost is doomed to be ungodly. Why? Because he or she will have the entire wicked world on their side.

The 2nd piece of advice is this: Always date to marry and never date just to date.

As Christians, we must align our lives with the teachings of Christ as much as possible. If we date just to date our chances of giving in to our bodily temptations increase exponentially. Remember Jesus told us that even looking at another person with lust a sin against God (Matthew 5:28). Therefore it is important that we try to marry as young as is practical. God doesn’t hate sex. He loves sex and wants us to enjoy our bodies and our partners–just in the right way. Just as gluttony being a sin doesn’t mean God hates eating; the prohibition of sex before marriage doesn’t mean God merely tolerates physical pleasure. God made us to satisfy each other.

Collect & Select is Not Biblical

Why can’t we just play the field and settle down when we find someone we like?

Many brothers in Christ ask this question and it’s understandable but let us first be honest about the roots of this question. Do you seriously expect to date multiple men for years and even decades but never have sex? Or is that the point? The worldly gay male desire to spread his seed among many. Collect & select or ‘dating around’ is what those who have succumb to their bodily desires do. Now that’s not to say that you should just settle down for the first person that claims to be a Christian you meet! But truthfully speaking if you date with the intention to marry you will naturally select the right partner for you sooner rather than later.

When I was single I dated men for their bodies and justified it in my mind as ‘making sure I get the right one’. The truth is I had no intention on settling down for most of the guys I was dating.  Once I accepted Christ back into my life it wasn’t long before I signed up for a Christian oriented dating site and found my beautiful husband.

Related: Is Compatible Partners Worth It?

How to Be a Godly Boyfriend/Girlfriend

If you truly want to be a godly boyfriend there are the obvious things I’m sure you already know: don’t push him to sex until you’re both ready, respect your partner, and honor him etc etc.  While those are correct the role of the man in the relationship is to lead with honor and integrity. It’s your job to make sure the relationship stays on track towards a loving marriage or end it (1Peter 3:7).

Let’s say, for example, you’re dating a nice young man. He’s educated and has good morals but you’re just not feeling it with him. Even after trying and trying the feelings just aren’t there. What’s more, you’re noticing he’s getting attached to you more and more. It’s your job to put the breaks on. Yes, it will hurt him temporarily but we both know it’ll hurt him a lot more if he finds out that you just settled for him.

The core of a Christ-like boyfriend and husband is to be a leader and stand with honor & integrity. Most bottoms want a man that shows strength; not just physical strength but the strength to stay in the path of Christ despite all of the temptations and desires that will be thrown at you two.

How to Be a Godly Girlfriend/Boyfriend

If you truly want to be a godly girlfriend which, will eventually become a godly wife, then you need to make sure your values are also Christ-like. Your goal should be to help your partner grow in her relationship with Christ. When you see her drifting away from his faith your role is to encourage her in a gentle loving way (Romans 1:12). That doesn’t mean nagging!  A good girlfriend supports her woman’s hobbies and godly ambitions (Philippians 2:4).

I love camping. Its a big part of my life but my partner, now husband, wasn’t into it that much so I would just go without him. One day he had a change of heart and really decided to open his mind to it. Now, I only camp with him and it made our relationship stronger. In fact, his willingness to support me in something he wasn’t really into is a big part of what made me decide he was the one. The boyfriend/girlfriend stage is only meant to be a transitional phase between single life and married life. Which leads me to my next point.

Next piece of advice: It’s never too soon to get married*

Many gay Christians struggle with the question of when is the right time to get married. I strongly believe so long as you’ve followed the biblical principles* in selecting a companion in the first place it’s never too soon to get married. In fact, I don’t advise that Christian couples date longer than a year. If after a year you’re not ready to walk down the aisle then that probably isn’t the relationship God wants for you.

Historically, people got married in their teens and early 20’s. Now people are waiting until their 30’s or even 40’s to tie the knot.

    • Scientific research has shown that gay men in a committed relationship are happier than those who are single.
    • The longer you wait to marry the harder it will be. Let’s face it looks matter and it’s easier to attract someone in our 20s than in our 50s. That’s not to say it’s too late once you reach your 50s
    • When you get married young it’s easier to grow together. Once you reach your 30’s and 40’s you’ve already formed your habits and traditions and it’s much harder to adjust to having a life companion. Whereas when you both start off young you form your habits and traditions together!

Christians follow the advice of Christ

The modern world tells you it’s better to wait as long as possible to marry. They say if you wait you won’t get divorced. If that’s true then tell me why is it that in Utah they get married younger than the rest of the nation and the state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation? Not to mention it’s also the happiest state in the union.

You see, that’s what the world doesn’t tell you. You can’t just take one biblical principle, throw it in the goulash of sin and it when doesn’t work use it to try to disprove Christ. We must put all the biblical principles together in order for the system to work like a perfectly oiled machine. People that irresponsibly date for lust, or desperation, and get married right away do have a higher chance of divorce. People that date with the intention of being with someone for the rest of their lives not only stay together but are happier. And yes; young adults who were raised in a responsible Godly environment are capable of making such an important decision.

What does the bible say about marrying?

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  The world will tell you to date and hold out until nearly the last possible second to get married. That is not advisable. Remember at the beginning of this article I told you my husband and I sinned before marriage? It was because we waited more than a year to get married.

Since, as a Christian, you are dating with the intention to marry that means you’re choosing a companion that is the best for you and will help you on your walk with Christ. After one year you should know whether or not he/she is the right one for you. That’s why I recommend after one year together it’s time to have a serious discussion regarding the progression of the relationship.

What would Jesus do?

Jesus told us that he would always be with us. His corporeal form may be deceased but the son of God never left us. Whenever you have a question or a doubt about something imagine Jesus is standing right next to you. Do you think he would approve of what you want to do? Maybe you and your girlfriend just got into a bad argument and an attractive woman messages you on Facebook. Before you begin making excuses in your head to entertain her think about whether or not Jesus would approve. Maybe your boyfriend doesn’t have the financial status you hoped for and your handsome boss winks at you. Just as yourself “what would Jesus do”?

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1 Comment

  1. Absolemn

    Thank you for your kind intentions, but I disagree with a lot of your points.

    I disagree with “dating to marry.” It puts unrealistic expectations on your date, and it gives you the false impression that you’re ready for marriage. It’s like taking your first swim lesson with the intention of winning an Olympic gold medal. You’re stressing over the medal, when you should be focusing on learning the basics and getting used to the water.

    I personally tried to “date for marriage” and then I felt pressure to move to Europe after 4 days of knowing the guy. Because oh, since I might marry him, I have to picture my whole life with him right? Wrong. I’ve only known him for a few days, so we were putting a lot of pressure on each other in a short amount of time. He wanted kids and I was too young to think about kids. He then started complimenting me on fatherly aspects of my personality in hopes that he can sway my opinion. Not the best thing to think about on the 2nd date.

    Let’s go back to the first point of only dating believers. While I personally would prefer to marry a believer, I think we have the freedom to date non-believers. Dating is really getting to know yourself and what qualities you want in a partner. Just be realistic with your date that you prefer to date believers and explain why.

    I think sometimes it may be too soon to marry the person. The author here made it seem like it’s okay to marry someone after only months of knowing them. I have friends with successful marriages after they’ve dated for a few months, but I also know friends that have dated for over 5 years. It really depends on the person. BUT I don’t think anyone should rush into marriage. I have friends who had failed marriages because the got married too early. They were naive and married for the wrong reasons. Usually because they married the first person that’s ever liked them, and society was expecting them to get married early. Please don’t rush into marriage, especially when you’re already having doubts about it.

    While most of my friends wait until marriage, it’s different with queer people. Opposite-sex couples have a clear definition of sex/virginity, while queer couples have a lot of nuance when it comes to sex. Don’t set arbitrary boundaries on sex, especially if you don’t have experience. Everyone should make their own personal sexual ethic, and not necessarily abide by some rule that just works for some people.

    Those are my thoughts on this topic. Hope more people can discuss this and I can learn from people who disagree with me.

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