Let me start by saying this guide applies to almost any gay dating service or app. I just said grindr because that’s what most guys search for on google.
About a year ago I had a large African American gentlemen come into my counseling office really sad and depressed.
I asked him what, was wrong and amongst a few other things, his principal complaint was that he wanted to know how to get guys on grindr and other dating apps. What I told him may shock you!
But before I get more into him let’s talk about the picture. Everybody thinks the photo is the most important part of a grindr profile. They’re right but here’s what they may not know…
I ran a little experiment with two clients. They both put up pictures on their grindr profiles. Now tell me which profile do you think got the most responses?
That’s easy, right? Client A has ‘the body’ and follows many rules of a good grindr photo. It shows skin and he’s flaunting his best asset which is his bod.
What if I told you client B got the most responses? Almost double in fact! Client A got a 35% response rate and Client B got a 66% response rate!
Why do you think that is? Because client B’s photo looks real! We all know having ‘the body’ is a plus but the first photo just looks fake. When I see that photo I think either catfish or asshole.
Client B’s photo is mysterious. It shows some skin but he’s not giving up all of his goodies on the first swoop. The happy trail triggers my imagination to what it’s leading to as well.
Back to The Crying Client
He even showed me one of the meaner responses he had received on Grindr.
After showing me that he began to weep right there in my office. That message was like a punch in the gut to him. I began to weep as well because I could truly feel his pain.
I suggested that he try growlr which is a dating app specifically for larger men and their admirers. He said he had and its a little better but not much. He stated that he wasn’t really into those guys and that he liked skinny twinks.
We went over what he could do and I suggested broadening his horizons. I again told him Growlr is a good app for larger men but he said he tried but there just wasn’t any attraction with him and larger men.
After two more sessions going back and forth about having realistic expectations I finally told him what he needed to hear…
“young man if you want twinks I’m afraid you’re going to have to lose some weight yourself”.
He just stared at me and I starred back.
I knew he was shocked but it was clear beating around the bush about it wasn’t going to work with this kid.
Finally, he said that he’s tried losing weight but it was too difficult. He said he tried going to the gym but he could never lose any significant amount of weight.
I told him about the Fat Decimator System. It was a good fitness program that of gay men have used to begin their weight loss journeys.
5 Commandments of Weight Loss
Any weight loss plan you choose should have these 5 elements which I call the 5 commandments of weight loss.
- Eating More Protein
- Eating at regular intervals
- Prioritizing Fresh Foods
- Setting short-term realistic goals
- Stop comparing yourself to others!
Here’s what may shock you
A few months later he came back to see me. Amazed at the new him I asked him how his dating life was.
He reported that he was so happy because of the dramatic change in his dating life! He also said that he wanted to knock it up a notch further!
This is why I advise gay men who are single and looking that making yourself more physically appealing will help you significantly and that the Fat Decimator System is a great way to do that.
However, that’s only half the equation…
Being hot isn’t a magic bullet! Just ask any hot guy…
One must also do the much harder task of improving themselves as a person if they ever hope to get the partner they desire.
Learn good grindr etiquette!
If you want to learn how to get guys on grindr you must practice good grindr etiquette. Following these rules will save you from unnecessary rejection and hurt feelings.
- The person who sends the first message also sends the first picture. It’s uncouth to message someone asking them for another picture when you haven’t even sent yours yet
- Please don’t message a person of color telling them how excited you are to be with [stereotype]. Many of them consider it offensive. That means don’t tell an Asian person you’re such a ‘rice queen’ or a Black person that you want ‘big black cock’
- Avoid putting “No [your negative preference]” in your description. I’ve said many times that preferences are okay but imagine how you would feel if you constantly saw ‘No [some immutable aspect of yours]’ all the time.
- Don’t ask for pictures that you aren’t willing to send yourself. If you ask for a dick pic then you better be prepared to send a dick or ass pic back.
- Treat others how you want to be treated! This goes back to the karma paragraph. Words do hurt and the way you treat people on grindr has an impact. Do the world a favor and don’t be a dick. Just remember what goes around comes around.
Build good karma!
I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow! How did you treat this guy when he messaged you?
Did you respond: “As if!” or “I don’t think so” or laugh at him?
If you did then remember that the next time some guy is an asshole to you.
Many guys on grindr are in pain and choose to project that hurt onto others. It’s a vicious cycle that many are guilty of and it makes grindr a bit toxic to the soul.
The sad thing is being a jerk only ensures that your experiences will continue to be negative. If you put negative energy into the world that’s what the world is going to reflect back to you.
Being gay is tough sometimes.
- We face rejection from friends and family but honestly, in 2018 I think the worst part of being gay is the way we treat each other.
- If someone gets a good guy we get jealous instead of being happy
- We constantly talk shit about others in an effort to lift ourselves up
We must stop the hate and start the love!
Make a good grindr profile
Your photo is the most important part of your profile!!!!!!
I think everyone knows that your picture is the most important part of your grindr profile. The problem is many people don’t know what a good picture is.
Rules for a good grindr picture:
- The headless torso isn’t going to cut it anymore
- Show some skin
- Your photo should generate curiosity
- Use a compression shirt if you need to
Some guys think it’s enough to work out, get a decent body, and then flaunt it. While yes having a good body is better than not just having a good body isn’t enough to maximize your grindr potential.
Which leads me to my next point…. You don’t need to be hot to get guys on grindr!
Too many guys just skip over the profile part because they think nobody reads them. That’s a lie! People do read profiles!
Having a good profile description will really help you to get guys especially if you’re not the best looking guy in the world.
Bad profile description
‘Just seeing what’s up”
You can get away with this if you’re hot with 8 or 9 inches but otherwise you need to work a little harder. That description is lazy, boring, and makes it more difficult to start a conversation with you.
Good profile description
“Just here checking things out. I’m into fashion, soccer, and I’m studying political science. Oh my favorite color is green and my best friend is Gus (a chocolate lab).”
This description is short and contains a great deal of information and good conversation starters. With that description, someone could message you asking what’s your favorite soccer team, or who you voted for, or talk about their dog.
You’ve just made it 10x easier to start a conversation with you with the above description!
Rejection and preferences are okay!
For some reason, preference shaming seems to be all the rage in the gay community and that’s a little silly in my opinion. It’s not just gay men that have preferences.
If someone is not into blacks, Asians, whites, short people, overweight people, that’s their right. Our bodies are not public resources and no one has the right to demand access.
That being said being too picky will ultimately hurt you more than anyone else.
So while its okay to have preferences it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the consequences of those preferences. Most usual the consequence is perpetual singlehood…
If you’re like my client above and after you’ve made the changes to your grindr profile and still not getting the guys you want then maybe its time to reconsider your preferences.
Work to improve as a person!
Let’s face it being gay sucks sometimes. We face rejection from friends, family, and on top of that, we have to deal with the gossip and vitriol that comes from our own community.
It’s no surprise a lot of gay men are bitter but it doesn’t have to be this way. If you want to bring good energy back into your life then you have to learn to put good energy out.
Constantly talking about what you don’t want is going to drive away what you do want. I strongly endorse theta meditation. It is a deep form of meditation that studies show is the most relaxing and effective form of meditation.
The bad news is it can take months or even years of training to get to that point of reaching a ‘theta state’. However, there are great programs like the 15 Minute Manifestation that use a system of binaural beats to activate your theta brain waves, improve your mood, and give you a shortcut! In fact, it’s just 15 minutes a day for 21 days. Hence the name 15-minute manifestation!
Watch a video on binaural beats
Get guys on grindr with a good opener!
No, I’m not talking cheesy one-liners. I mean you need to show a guy you’re genuinely interested especially if he’s ‘out of your league’.
Here’s a good opener:
Hey I saw your profile. Great pic! I notice you said you like soccer. I used to play that all the time as a kid. What’s your fav position? By the way my best friend’s name is Mr. Kittles (a toy poodle).
By just putting a little more effort you’ve increased your chances of not just a response but a decent conversation by a factor of 100!
Some of you may be thinking “I’ve tried and it doesn’t work”.
How many times did you try?
There are no guarantees in life nor on grindr. Just like Aaliyah said ‘if at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try again’.
If there is a secret on how to get guys on grindr it would be that you have to try, try again, and then keep trying some more! By the way, this applies to almost all dating situations, not just grindr. I just entitled the article How to get guys on grindr because that’s the most popular dating app for us gay men.
To sum things up here’s how to get guys on grindr
- Be as physically appealing as possible (My Weight Loss Story)
- Be the person you want to see
- Start with an opener that shows effort! (More Good Tips)
- Understand that preferences are okay but being too picky will only hurt you (Read more on that)
- Take our survey to see how likely you are to get a relationship! (Relationship survey)
If you want to know how to get guys on grindr then you need to learn how to improve yourself first and bring good things into your life. Manifestation is the top way I recommend to bring people, including lovers, into your life.