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Let’s NOT Go Dutch, Here’s Why – Gay Dating Advice

This guy you’ve been looking at for a couple of weeks finally got the courage to ask you out! You’re so excited. He asks where you want to go and you agree to have your first date at that Mexican place downtown that you like. The conversation is going great until the waiter puts the bill on the table.

He ordered a steak enchilada and you the cheese quesadilla. You assume because he asked, and his meal was more expensive, that he would pay for the date. After all, you’re just a student and he’s a working professional.  Then he asks the waiter to split the ticket and at that very moment, all your interest in him vanishes. After you get home he sends you a text message saying how much he enjoyed the date and can’t wait to see again. Feeling despondent you simply decide not to reply. This is a perfect example of why it’s essential to work out who’s going to be paying before the date.

Who Pays on a Gay Date

Who pays on a date depends on the two people.  Being cheap and going dutch is not a good way to impress someone you’re interested in. I remember a guy that I wasn’t really that into at first asked me on a date. I thought about it and figured I wasn’t doing anything so why not? During the date, we had a great conversation and when I reached for my wallet afterward he held his hand up and said: “I will be the one to pay”.

This put a smile on my face since in The Philippines the foreigner is expected to always pay. We ended up dating for a couple of months after that. What I’m trying to say is whoever asks for the date, pays for the date.

Here’s Why You Should Pay for The Date Even if You’re Poor

We all know a big problem in the gay community is most of the single guys we meet are not serious. Almost all of us have been hurt by a guy who didn’t call or text after he got in our pants. By paying for the date you are showing him that you are willing to put your money where your mouth is i.e that you’re serious. Also, let us not forget there’s a lot of competition out there for good guys. You paying for the date will give you a distinctive advantage over your competitors.

Paying for the date can also help you asses his character. If he knows you are paying for the date and he still orders the most expensive item on the menu, that can tell you a great deal about his character. A decent person should know you are not rich and make his dinner order with care for your wallet.

Yes, you should pay even if you think he’s rich. If you ask for a date you should be the one to pay even if you think he’s rich. I live in The Philippines where the average monthly salary is $300-$400 a month. That’s why it’s no surprise that the foreigner is expected to shoulder the expenses of most relationships. However, despite the cultural expectation, the fact that John still paid for our first date really helped to endear him to me.  Consider paying for the first date with a rich guy to be an investment for your future.

Don’t want to waste your money on a date that will go nowhere? Watch my video on how to spot Mr. Wrong


Here’s How to Get a Second Date (gay)

Since you will be the one who paid for the date, if you asked him out, then it stands to reason you want a second date. Here are a few simple tips to avoid awkward silences and make the first date go well.

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions– The purpose of the date is to get to know a person. You can do this by asking open-ended questions and getting him to talk about himself. Read my article on great ice breaker questions to ask.

2. Dress Decently- Where you located will determine what constitutes ‘decent’ but suffice it to say basketball shorts and a tank top doesn’t scream classy anywhere in the world. I’m not suggesting you wear a suit and a tie but some shorts and a polo (collared) shirt wouldn’t kill you either. Remember you want to convey to him that you’re serious and that you are dating material as well.

3. Turn off your GrindrNo matter where you are in the world nobody wants to hear your Grindr going off during a date, not even once. That sends a signal that you’re still looking and that he’s just a number to you. On that note, you should really keep your phone in your pocket the entire time. Focus on him and getting to know him.

4. Don’t complain about your ex– Nobody wants to hear you drone on about how your ex cheated on you and how you thought he was the love of your life. It’s normal for someone to ask about your ex but try to keep your explanation about what happened with him under 4 sentences. Guys will ask about your ex because they want to see if you’re actually over him or not. You droning on about him will show  them that you’re not.

5. Be a gentleman and keep it in your pants-Having sex on the first date doesn’t exactly scream boyfriend material. I’m not saying you need to wait until he puts a ring on it but make him work for it at least a little bit. Geez…

It’s The Little Things That Count

People are the most judgemental on a first date. That’s why it is important you pay attention to the little things but don’t be paranoid either. People can sense if you’re trying too hard. Just follow these tips and be yourself. If it works out then it works out. If it doesn’t then there’s plenty of other fish in the sea.

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