Are you new to gay dating? Or maybe if you have a lot of experience in gay dating and are finally ready to settle down? Either way, many of us want to know how to be a good boyfriend.
So many of the gay advice blogs out there focus on getting a boyfriend but very few talk about how to keep a man. Very rarely do relationships end due solely to the actions of one person, and gay relationships are no different. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons but it’s almost never pleasant.
How to Be A Good Boyfriend in a Gay Relationship
If you want to get and keep your man try these things.
1. Give him a chance
2. Understand the difference between being loved and loving someone
3. Be patient
4. Be forgiving
5. Honesty is the best policy
6. Know what you want
7. Be a good listener
8. Give him his just delights
Gay Relationship Stages
Most gay relationships follow a similar pattern. They can be summed up in about 4 stages.
- The talking stage-This is when you are getting to know each and summing each other up to see if you are suitable to be dating
- The dating stage- This is the state where you guys are officially a couple and starting to build a life together
- The partner stage-This stage usually happens after you’ve been dating awhile. You’ll know you’re in this stage when you stop calling him your boyfriend and you start calling him your partner.
- The marriage stage-This stage is after you’ve walked down the aisle with him and he is your lawfully wedded husband.
How to Be in a Gay Relationship
The first step to being a good boyfriend is getting a man in the first place. You do that by giving him a chance. The universe sends us gifts wrapped in different packages. Maybe a guy who messages you isn’t what trips your trigger necessarily, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t be a great partner or spouse. The reason this will help you to be a good boyfriend is that once you learn that a relationship isn’t like Burger King, you can’t always have it your way, then you’ll be better at conflict resolution. Almost all relationships will have conflicts at some point. If you want yours to last then you need to have good conflict resolution skills.
Understand The Difference Between Love and Being Loved
The reason many gay relationships fail is because a lot of us don’t understand what it means to be a long term relationship and/or marriage. You see, most of us enter into a relationship because we want to be loved but few us understand what it means to actually love someone else. Loving someone else means that you put their needs above yours. This means before entering into a relationship you should try to assess what his needs truly are to the best of your ability.
Too often we’ll enter into a relationship because he had a 9″ dick and he knew how to use it. It’s not until further down the road that we realize that attacked to that 9-inch dick is a human being with needs, wants, quirks, and desires. That’s why it is so important not to enter into a relationship too quickly which is actually my next point.
Patience is a Virtue
A relationship is not something you can rush into; it takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself in getting to know the other person. You also need to be patient with that other person as well. We’ve already talked about the dangers of rushing into a relationship but even within a relationship patience is a must. As gay men, we make up a tiny 2.5% of the population. That means we cannot be as selective as the heteros when choosing a partner. This means our relationships may take more effort to make work than a heterosexual one due to the smaller dating pool.
Ask almost anyone who’s been married for more than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the most important things to keeping a marriage intact is the ability to forgive. We all make mistakes, even ourselves. When others hurt you, most of the time it is not intentional. Forgiveness is a gift you not only give to others but a gift you give to yourself. Now that you have that gift, the question becomes what will you do with it?
By the way, forgiveness isn’t just saying you forgive the person but keeping a mental tally of his misdeeds ready for the next fight. When you forgive someone then the record is wiped clean. You shouldn’t use it against him again.
Be Kind & Honest
Kindness is the expression of humility that coincides with compassion, especially when it’s to those who are not kind to you. It is sometimes a hard thing to do but very much needed. That being said you still need to be honest. Just holding something inside is not a good thing. It will often boil over and you’ll act out in ways you’ll regret. If you want to maintain a relationship you should be honest with your partner.
You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married
Your relationship is not an applause line. Guys, please understand that relationships are not about being right and seeing who can gain more power over the other. They’re about working together to come up with solutions that are acceptable to both sides. Just remember if you tell your partner ‘my way or the highway’ and he dumps you, your friends may give you proverbial accolades but once the sun sets you’ll still be sleeping alone.
Also, will those friends be there to take care of you when you’re sick? Will they still be around when you’re old and decrepit? A good partner that has demonstrated a willingness to work with you on difficult issues probably while stick around, While those friends who always advising you to cut and run at the first sign of trouble probably, won’t.
Give Him His Just Delights
I had a member of one of my groups message me very upset. He told me that he was upset because his partner had cheated on him. After a few more minutes of talking he revealed that he had been in a relationship with the guy for a year and hadn’t had sex with him. He said he wanted to wait until he graduated from college to give up his virginity. He said he didn’t think his partner would cheat because he was taking care of him. I told him straight up that a year is too long to expect someone to wait for you to put out. Men who aren’t sexually satisfied often cheat.
Remember we talked about putting his needs above yours? Part of that is being sexually available. Even if you’re really tired, he’s asking for it I recommend just doing it. Of course, there are limits to this but you should do everything you can to satisfy your man if you want to keep him.
Be a Good Listener
Part of fulfilling your partner’s needs is listening to what those needs actually are. I have always thought that “We hear with our ears, but we listen with our hearts.” Listening is crucial in every relationship that we have. This means that we need to be silent and let the other person speak. It also means that we ask good questions in order to present an opportunity to learn about that other person.
Know What You Want
The last but most important thing to being a good boyfriend is to make sure you know what you want in a relationship. Do you really want a relationship or more so just a friend with benefits? If you want a real long term relationship do understand how much work real relationships take? Often times we say that we know what we want but in reality that takes time and maturity to understand what our true needs are.
Bonus Tip: Surprise Him
Boys love a guy who can surprise them. In order to prevent your relationship from becoming monotomous and borning spice things up by surprising her every once in a while. An unexpected gift or group trip is a great way to make her happy. A thoughtful gift will really show him that you were listening to her and that you really care about him. Find your next husband on Compatible Partners
If you want to be a good boyfriend just try your best. There is no recipe to make the perfect boyfriend. If your partner sees you are making a real effort to be the best boyfriend you can be, he will appreciate it and reciprocate.
I like to think that we learn something new every single day. Relationships are about learning and growing together. Once you learn how to grow with your partner you’ll not only be a good boyfriend but a great husband as well. If you want more information read my article on how to know your boyfriend is marriage material.