Let’s face it being gay is tough, gay dating is tough, and gay Christian dating is even tougher still. It is my hope with this guide that you’ll gain the tools that you need to get a good Christian boyfriend to eventually become your husband.
Live a Godly Life
With all the drugs, alcoholism, and promiscuity the mainstream gay lifestyle couldn’t be further from the life that Jesus wants for us. I truly believe that we can still love the same gender and live a Godly life. We just have to separate ourselves from that lifestyle as much as possible.
If you are able to separate yourself and abstain from excessive drinking or taking on too many partners believe me people will notice and one of those people may be your new husband.
Now let me be clear I’m not saying to turn up your nose at your fellow gay men and declare that you don’t drink because you’re a Christian. I’m saying just to do your best to make sure your actions reflect your professed faith. Remember Matthew 7:16 “You shall know them by their fruits”.
Perpetually single gay men tend to be waaaayyyyy too picky!
Seriously, this comes up over and over in my office.
Example #1: You have the 50-year-old heavy set bear that wants a 20-year-old hairless twink but also insists the expenses be split 50/50.
Example #2: You have the Asian American man that only wants to date White men, not other Asians, and wouldn’t be caught dead with a Black man.
Example #3: There’s the gorgeous blonde hair blued eyed twink that knows it and thinks anyone who’s worthy of him should be as gorgeous as he is or a billionaire.
Example #4: Then there’s the educated African American that says “black men ain’t about shit” but will date a white janitor
Here’s some stats that may shock you.
The data show that gay men are a far less percentage of the population than we think. The best data available show that approximately 3.5% of the population identifies as LGBT. If we assume its evenly split between gay men and women that means that literally out of every 10 people less than 1 is a gay man!
Keep those numbers in mind next time you’re typing that laundry list of ‘no’s’ in your grindr profile.
Now, I’m not saying looks don’t matter because they do. There has to be some physical attraction. A good rule of thumb that I teach to my clients is if you can do it with the lights on then he’s handsome enough.
Bottom line: It should be 30% looks 70% personality not the other way around!
Sorry Sam it’s not Just the Inside that Counts
The first step to getting a boyfriend is to open the door and you do that by making yourself as appealing as possible physically.
Look, we’ve all heard as children that ‘its what’s on the inside that counts’ and we also know if we’ve spent any time at all on grindr, that nothing could be further from the truth. Your looks open the door and it’s your personality that keeps them in.
The popular online mental health website Psychology Today featured an article that stated:
…men’s arousal patterns (gay and straight) has repeatedly emphasized their sensitivity to visual cues. As soon as the lust-inspiring image registers in their brain, they become turned-on—not only physically but psychologically, too.
If you are single and looking I strongly recommend losing weight if you have weight to lose.
Related: How to Find Guys That Are Serious
Yes, there is a small community of chubby chasers out there but this is a numbers game. The more people you appeal to physically the higher your chances of finding your future husband.
I used the Keto diet to lose 100 pounds! For those of you who don’t know the ketogenic diet is a very low carb diet designed to help you burn fat while you sleep. However, it’s not for everyone. Take my keto quiz to see if keto is the right fit for you. Also, keeping yourself neat and tidy with good posture will go a long way towards attracting a date!
You are What you Attract
A lot of clients aren’t happy with the types of guys they are attracting. Maybe they’re attracting so-called ‘weirdos’ or guys that just don’t appeal to them at all.
Sorry to say but 9 times out of 10 who you are attracting is an accurate reflection of the way the world perceives you.
If you’re constantly attracting an image that you don’t like that means its time to have a long painful look in the mirror and ask yourself why that type of person finds you appealing.
Why You Should Want a Husband
Many gay Christians struggle with the question of when is the right time to get married. I strongly believe so long as you’ve followed the biblical principles* in selecting a companion in the first place it’s never too soon to get married. In fact, I don’t advise that Christian couples date longer than a year. If after a year you’re not ready to walk down the aisle then that probably isn’t the relationship God wants for you.
Historically, people got married in their teens and early 20’s. Now people are waiting until their 30’s or even 40’s to tie the knot.
- Scientific research has shown that gay men in a committed relationship are happier than those who are single.
- The longer you wait to marry the harder it will be. Let’s face it looks matter and it’s easier to attract someone in our 20s than in our 50s. That’s not to say it’s too late once you reach your 50s
- When you get married young it’s easier to grow together. Once you reach your 30’s and 40’s you’ve already formed your habits and traditions and it’s much harder to adjust to having a life companion. Whereas when you both start off young you form your habits and traditions together!
Now for the Cornerstone
The best piece of advice comes in the form of a bible verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seriously, if you choose someone that is an unbeliever the relationship almost is doomed to be ungodly. Why? Because he or she will have the entire wicked world on their side.
Look in the right places
I know that’s easier said than done since as gay Christians we are a minority of a minority but there are places you can seek gay Christians. Sites like Compatible Partners ow cater to gay Christians and you can sign up and see your matches for free.
If you want a real relationship with an American Christian then you need to go where gay American Christians are. I’ve found the best place is Compatible Partners. The reason being that it’s a paid site the guys tend to be more serious whereas on facebook or free sites the guys didn’t invest anything, therefore, they have no skin in the game. In addition, if you are on that site they’re also way more likely to trust you more quickly than if they just met you on a random facebook group. See your matches for free.