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How to Make Gay Relationships Work – Really

Dating is hard and gay dating is even harder. Numerous studies show that male same-sex relationships have a significantly higher failure rate than hetero ones (source). But that shouldn’t discourage you.

The study of gay relationships is relatively new and those same studies cited lack of societal acceptance of homosexuality as the reason for the high failure rate. Now upwards of 60-70 percent of Americans support same-sex marriage. That means we should start to see more longevity in our relationships.

How to Make a Gay Relationship Work

That being said there are things you can do to make your relationship have a higher chance of success.  1. Learn how to love 2. Be honest 3. Self-discipline is important 4.Take your time 5. Understand the 4 pillars of a successful relationship 6. It’s two, not a group 7. Forgiveness is forgiveness

The Four Pillars of a Relationship

All relationships, gay or straight, need four pillars to succeed. Without these commonalities, it will be very difficult if not impossible to make a relationship work.  These four pillars are shared moral values, common interests, compatible life objectives, and mutual respect, with mutual respect being the most important.

You absolutely must respect your partner for the relationship to succeed. When you respect your partner even though he may do something you don’t agree with you’ll be able to weather that storm. When your partner respects you he’ll be less likely to cheat even after you guys have had a bad fight and he’s sleeping at his BFF’s house for the next few days.

Be Honest

Being honest with your partner is a must. If there’s a problem and you just let it build up its only a matter of time until you act out in a way that you’ll later regret. A good relationship is one where you feel like you can be yourself. You don’t have to have a filter. You should feel like you can share even your deepest darkest secrets without fear of judgment and retribution. A long-lasting relationship doesn’t have any fronts.

Self Discipline is Important

A big problem I see with many gay relationships is that we expect more from our partners than we do ourselves. It’s so funny when I observe people who cheat being the most paranoid that their partner is cheating on them. That is why if you want a successful relationship you must also have the self-discipline to resist the many temptations out there.

Trust me, if you’ve been in a relationship long enough you will be tempted by someone that seems better than your current partner. Guys that succumb to that temptation are often disappointed once they discover that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Almost nobody respects a person that always cuts and runs at the first sign of trouble. That is why if you want a man of honor and integrity then you must have those same characteristics yourself.

Take Your Time

Relationships take time to grow and mature. I understand the ‘gay rush’. We all do. We finally find someone that fits our criteria and we’re so quick to jump into a relationship. Or worse we enter into a relationship because the guy had a great body. It’s not until later that we discover that attached to that great body is a human being with his own sets of wants and needs that we may or may not be able to fulfill.

It’s The Two of You Not a Group of You

It’s really important that we be careful who we allow into our relationships. Most of us will tell our friends whenever we have a problem with our partners. While that’s not a bad thing just remember that your friends may not be objective and sometimes if they are single, they may even unconsciously want your relationship to fail.

Haven’t you noticed it’s almost always your single friends who are the first to tell you to break up with your boyfriend? Guuurl if I was you I wouldn’t put up with that mess. I’ve certainly heard that line more than once. My grandma used to tell me never to take advice from someone I wouldn’t trade places with unless it’s on what not to do.  Just remember it’s your relationship and no one else’s. I will also tell you people who stick things out tend to be happier in the long run than those who just cut and run.

Related: 8 Secrets to a Successful Gay Relationship

Forgiveness is Forgiveness

Ask anyone who’s been married longer than 5 years and they’ll tell you one of the keys to keeping a marriage together is the ability to forgive your partner. At some point, your partner will do something to disappoint you. You have to be ready for that and be able to forgive him for it and he you. It’s cliché but so true, relationships take work. No hip and trendy conflict resolution skills will work if you lack the ability to forgive.  When you forgive someone then it is finished. You can’t bring it up again in the next argument.

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace


Learn How to Love

One of the reasons relationships are so much work is because they teach you how to love. Most of us want to be loved but very few of us understands what it means to love someone. When you love someone their needs come first. When you love someone you will compromise on something that you really don’t think you should have to compromise on. When you love someone you will give them a gift for their birthdays even if you know they can’t afford to give you anything for yours.

Related: How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Marriage Material

In Conclusion

If you want your relationship to work then you must understand that a relationship takes work. That’s why it is important you enter into relationships for the right reasons and when you are ready. Let me tell you that the amount of time you’ll spend having hot sex is minuscule compared to the amount of time you’ll spend paying bills, resolving conflicts, and meeting each other’s needs. That is why you shouldn’t enter into a relationship (see my page for best dating sites for guys who are serious) until you’re ready to take on the responsibility to comes with it.


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