OMG, he’s so dramatic! Says the biggest drama queen in town. It’s no secret that many gay communities are full of drama despite almost everyone saying that they despise it. Whether it’s through gossip, spreading outright lies, or just plain being mean it’s no secret that a lot of gay men love drama. That’s why it’s no surprise that gay/bisexual men are more likely to suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, or generalized anxiety disorder according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Chances are high you’ve been attacked on a gay dating app for no reason or experienced some other unprovoked aggression from another gay man at some point. It’s been shown that users of the popular gay dating app Grindr often feel worse after using the app than they did before. For more on that read my article on how Grindr could be what’s keeping you single.
5 Reasons Why Gay Guys Love Drama
If you are like me you may be wondering why gay guys gravitate towards drama so much. I decided to do some research and find out. Here are my top 5 reasons why gay men seem to love drama so much.
#1 It makes them feel important
Being dramatic gives the perpetrator what he wants, attention. If someone is the object of scorn it can make them feel like they are an important factor in peoples’ lives. It doesn’t matter to them if they are causing pain, what matters is that they matter, to someone else
#2 Drama distracts them from their own lives
Let’s face it, being gay can suck sometimes. Lack of familial acceptance, lack of societal acceptance, and the difficulty in finding a suitable partner all add to the pressures that many gay men face. People deal with that stress in different ways. Many gay men turn to narcotics or other illicit substances, in fact, according to the CDC gay men are far more likely to abuse substances than the general population. Others turn to drama. By creating drama and dealing with the aftermath it can distract them from their problems and woes. It doesn’t matter to them that they are creating additional problems for themselves in the long run
#3 Misery Loves Company
I remember a few years ago I was in a gay chat room in Mexico minding my own business when this random guy felt the need to send me a message telling me how ugly I was. I just laughed and ignored him but the academic in me wondered what would motivate someone to attack a perfect stranger like that. I did some research and came to realize how much rejection gay men in Mexico truly face and it became clear why he did it.
We all know that misery loves company. The truth is many gay men are just plain miserable and they want other people to be miserable with them. Creating drama accomplishes this goal.
#4 Drama is What They Know
The most dramatic scene Steven Spielberg’s The Color Purple is when Harpo (Willard Pugh) asks Celie (Whoopie Goldberg) for advice on how to control his wife Sofia (Oprah Winfrey). Much to the shock of the audience Celie, a victim of domestic violence herself, advises Harpo to beat her. On a superficial level, it makes no sense that she would do this but if we look just a little deeper it’s obvious why she did it. That’s all she knew.
Gay men who are dramatic have been dramatic for so long that’s all they know. If they’re not in a conflict with someone it makes them feel uncomfortable. Which leads me to my next point.
#5 They’re Addicted to It
For some people, the drama is a drug. Just like any other drug people will do what it takes to get it. Emotions such as anger cause the brain to release dopamine (the feel-good hormone) just like a drug. Causing pain and anguish gives them the same surge of adrenaline and dopamine as smoking a joint. Then there’s the good feeling of being in control. Allowing someone to cause you pain and anger is the same thing as ceding control to them (source). Just like domestic abusers want to be in control, being dramatic is also about control and power over others.
How to Avoid Being a Drama Queen
Now it’s time to face a hard truth. Many of us who love to call other people dramatic could also be classified that way ourselves. As I said earlier, being gay can suck sometimes, there’s simply no denying it. The best way to avoid drama is to learn how to control our own emotions. I personally love to meditate. I try to do it daily. There are many forms of meditation, with theta meditation being the most rewarding. You can learn more about theta meditation and binaural beats healing here.
There are many healthy ways of letting off steam without causing drama. You can take a hike, go to the gym, or learn a new hobby. Whatever you choose just know that drama isn’t the answer. It’ll create far more problems for you in the long run than the temporary high you may get from causing people to get upset with you.